For years now, so many of you have been showing up in my comments, my DMs, and my inbox, telling me which posts hit you right in the chest, which lines you screenshotted, which mornings you needed a specific sentence more than you expected to.

You’ve told me about the days the ground felt permanent. The nights the loneliness got loud. The mornings you forgot who you were before the world told you to shrink. The weeks you just needed permission to breathe.

Between all those conversations, an idea started forming that I couldn’t quite put down.

What if I took the words that have meant the most to you, the ones you’ve quoted back to me, the ones that found you exactly when you needed them, and put them somewhere you’d see them every single day?

Not just once, scrolling past a post. Every time you check your phone.

So I decided to create four iPhone wallpaper bundles, each one made for a different moment I know you’ve lived through, because you’ve told me about them yourself:

Bent Not Broken — for the days you don’t feel strong, but you keep going anyway.

Not Alone in This — for when the loneliness gets loud, and you need to remember you’re not the only one carrying it.

Already Enough — a little reminder of who you’ve always been, on the days you forget.

Let It Be — for when it all gets to be too much, and you just need permission to pause.

Every single quote came from my own writing; the same voice you’ve been reading all along. Nothing generic, nothing borrowed. Just the words that have already meant something to you, now living on your lock screen, ready the moment you need them most.

You can grab them individually, or get the full collection at a discount if you want all four moods covered. Some weeks, I know we need to hear more than one type of message.

👉 Wallpaper Here!

This one’s for you. It always has been.

Enjoy, and thank you for supporting my writing!!

— Melissa

When did we start believing our personal wins weren’t worth celebrating?

At what point did we turn the corner?

I don’t think there’s one defining moment. No single day you can point to as the day things changed.

It was more of a slow descent. A quiet erosion. Something that crept in so gradually you never felt yourself slipping until you were already at the bottom, wondering how you got there.

The world used to celebrate you.

Your parents. Your teachers. The people who showed up for the earliest version of you and made you feel like everything you did mattered.

They poured into you without you even knowing you needed it.

They made your wins feel extraordinary. They made you feel extraordinary. And you believed them, not because you were naive, but because they never gave you a reason not to.

Then real life happened.

Those cheerleaders got quieter. They scattered. They moved on to their own lives, their own chaos, their own survival. They didn’t mean to stop, but that’s just how life works.

Without those voices continually coming from the outside, something inside you started to shift.

You started slipping.

Slowly. Silently. In ways no one around you noticed. In ways you didn’t notice.

The personal pride faded quietly. No announcement. No ceremony. Few people realized it, and even fewer said a word.

You simply moved on without being seen or celebrated like you once were until eventually, that just became the normal way of life.

And then what happened?

You started to believe you weren’t worth the trouble.

You started to tell yourself that no one would care anyway.

You thought it was ridiculous to feel proud of yourself for something you accomplished, when there were people out there accomplishing so much more.

So you minimized your wins.

When you minimized your wins long enough, you minimized yourself.

When you minimized yourself long enough, you stopped believing you were doing anything worth a damn.

And that was the slow descent that ended with you at the bottom, wondering how the hell you got there.

Pride in yourself isn’t vanity. It’s not arrogance.

It’s not something you have to earn the right to feel only after you’ve done something the world deems impressive enough.

Self-pride is a motivator. It’s a mood lifter.

It’s the quiet voice that reminds you you’re capable.

It’s the push you need to believe that one win can turn into two.

Without it, there’s a lot of gray and very little color. Your glow dims, and your energy follows.

You celebrate your kids. Your coworkers. The stranger on the internet who hit a milestone.

In fact, you are more than happy to celebrate anyone and everyone... except yourself.

The problem is, you’ve been doing it for so long that you don’t even notice anymore. You don’t even notice that you’ve done things just as noteworthy without any acknowledgement, praise, or even a simple “good job.”

So let me ask you something.

What did you do today that you didn’t give yourself credit for?

What did you push through this week that you immediately moved past without pausing for even a second?

What have you been quietly surviving, accomplishing, and showing up for with zero acknowledgment from the one person whose acknowledgment matters most?

You.

Being proud of yourself isn’t silly. It isn’t small. It isn’t something you grew out of or something you have to apologize for.

It is necessary.

Start giving yourself back what the world quietly stopped giving you.

Notice your wins. Sit in them for a moment. Let yourself feel the emotions before brushing it aside and immediately moving on to the next thing.

While it was nice to have your own personal support section, you failed to realize that you’ve been your own cheerleader this whole time.

Maybe it’s time to actually start cheering.

We all have that moment.

The one where, in an instant, life looks completely different.

The one that dramatically alters your perspective and changes everything you thought you knew about yourself and your place in the world.

For me, it was my daughter’s Aplastic Anemia diagnosis.

It was hearing the words “not compatible with life.”

It was facing her mortality long before I ever wanted to face mine. Making medical decisions and praying I was doing right by her. The endless hospital stays. The constant fear that never left my mind. The infusions. The transplant. The recovery. The setbacks.

It was realizing I’d never again live freely, that every future sickness, every medical event, would carry the weight of what I already know.

It’s the PTSD I still live with. Probably always will.

And most of all, it’s never being able to go back to that naïve person I was before.

What was it for you?

What was the moment that forever changed how you saw the world and your place in it?

Here’s the thing about that moment: we can’t rewind.

We can’t unsee what we’ve seen. We can’t unknow what we know. As much as we wish we could, we know it’s impossible.

Life is full of lessons. Some we choose. Some get handed to us whether we wanted them or not.

Sometimes we’re forced to learn about things we didn’t even know existed and endure them just the same.

No one said life was fair.

But I think the one fair thing about it is this: we all have that moment.

It looks different for each of us, but every single person — your neighbor, your friend, the stranger across the way — has been handed something so heavy, they were sure they’d crumble under the weight of it.

And yet.

Here we all are.

We didn’t crumble. But when we finally stood back up and looked around, it was through a foreign lens.

The sights were different, even though the scenery was the same. And try as we might, we can’t quite remember the view from before.

Maybe you’re still in the middle of your moment.

Maybe you’re shakily walking the path on the other side of it.

Either way, this moment has shaped you into a new version of yourself.

You didn’t ask for it. You didn’t want it. You didn’t even know it was coming.

But, regardless, here you are.

You’ll have shaky legs. You’ll have to get acquainted with your new surroundings. You’ll be dragging more baggage than you ever thought possible.

But you’ll still be you. Just evolved.

Give this version of yourself compassion and time.

You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not who you were before, and that’s okay.

You carried the unimaginable and kept moving. You keep moving.

Despite your circumstances and all the cards stacked against you, you’re still going.

Never forget the strength it takes to endure the unimaginable, have your life turned upside down, and still be willing to stand.

Your moment has forced you to evolve into a person who can survive. Who will survive.

And that’s exactly what you’re doing.

You’ve been stuck.

You’ve been confined.

You've been emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted.

You've been questioning your worth, your purpose, and your direction.

But, you…..

You stand back up.

You focus your eyes forward and put a smile on your face.

You push the doubts aside and take one step forward.

You start to create your own opportunities.

You realize your worth was never in question.

You may not be on the right path yet, but for the first time in a long time, you have hope that you will uncover it.

Yes, you've had your heart broken, but you learned to sweep up the pieces and crawl ahead.

Yes, you've walked countless miles down a dead-end road, but you learned to pivot and look for other avenues.

Yes, you've been an unwilling passenger in some of your previous chapters, but you learned that you can finally take control of the wheel.

Yes, you've done a million things wrong and had a million more done wrong to you.

You're not alone. We all have.

This is real life, and in real life, we're going to get it wrong. A lot. We're going to get hurt. A lot. We're going to question everything about ourselves. A lot.

But, we're also going to dust ourselves off, show ourselves compassion, and vow to learn and grow from our mistakes.

What else can we do? Live, learn, let it go, and grow.

So, whenever you doubt yourself, the path you're on, or your capabilities, remember that you have found your face in the dirt many times before.

Whether you've been pushed down or you tripped over your own feet, you know how it feels to get a bit dirty.

And, just in case you forgot, you also know how to clean yourself off, stand back up, and keep stepping ❤️

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They’ll be with the people who share your blood.

The ones who held you when you were small. The ones who sat across from you at every holiday table, who know your middle name and your childhood nickname and exactly which wounds to press when they want to win an argument.

And that’s precisely what makes it so hard.

Because setting a boundary with a stranger feels like self-preservation.

Setting one with family feels like betrayal.

Nobody prepares you for that.

Nobody sits you down and tells you that one day the people who love you most might also be the ones who hurt you most. Even though it’s hard and even if it feels impossible, you’re going to have to choose yourself anyway.

No one warns you.

So instead, we can spend years just trying to keep the peace. We swallow the things that should have been said and shrink ourselves to fit into rooms we were never really comfortable in.

We learn to laugh off the comments that stung and brush off the insults delivered with a smile.

We show up because it’s expected, even though we always arrive feeling anxious and leave feeling empty. We show up and rehearse the same internal speech, telling ourselves this is just how family is, it’s not worth the fight, and just focus on getting through the day.

And we do get through. We always get through.

But at what cost?

I’ve had to draw lines with people I love deeply. I’ve had to be brutally honest and care enough about my overall wellness to admit that, regardless of blood, that situation is no longer a healthy one for me.

I’ve had to hold that line through guilt and silence and the understanding that this harsh new reality isn’t a reality I ever saw coming.

It is not pretty. It is not comfortable.

Anyone who tells you that setting boundaries gets easier with practice has either never had to do the really hard ones, or they’ve forgotten how much those first few cost.

The cost is high. The emotional rollercoaster seems never-ending, but the lessons are many.

Protecting your peace is not cruelty. It is not selfishness. It is not a betrayal of love. It is, in fact, one of the most honest things you can do.

Continuing to portray a version of you that is constantly diminished, constantly on guard, constantly performing okayness while bleeding quietly on the inside, is not showing up fully for anyone. Not for them. Not for your kids. Not for yourself.

You cannot continue to pour from a cup with a hole in the bottom. And some relationships, even ones you’ve cherished your whole life, have been slowly draining you for years.

Maybe you always realized it. Maybe it just hit you with enough force to bring you to your knees, but now that you see it, you can’t unsee it. Now that you feel it, you can’t unfeel it.

Setting a boundary doesn’t mean you love someone less.

It means you’ve finally decided that your love for yourself has to count for something, too. You have to matter, too.

It means you’ve realized that every time you said nothing, you were saying everything. Your silence taught them exactly how you would accept being treated.

It means you’ve stopped calling it peace when really it was just silence with a smile on it. It’s not ever peace if it’s costing you yours.

Will they understand?

Maybe. Hopefully. Eventually.

Will some of them not?

Yes, and that will hurt in ways that are hard to put into words. They will never see your angle, just continue making you the villain of a story you were just trying to survive.

But you will survive it. I promise you that. It will hurt. It will be costly. It will test you, but you will be ok.

And slowly, on the other side, you will begin to feel something you may have forgotten was possible.

Room. Space. Air. Relief.

The picture of a life that has a little more of you in it.

Some relationships will bend and grow alongside your boundaries. Some will not.

But the real you…the one who got buried somewhere under years of accommodation and silence? She will begin to find her way back.

And she was worth protecting all along.

Even when it was hard.

Especially when it was hard.

Thanks for reading,

-Melissa

The space where everything familiar starts to fall away, but nothing new feels quite solid yet.

So you sit there, just thinking, questioning everything.

You wonder if you’ve lost your way and stepped onto the wrong path.

But you haven’t, even if this new setting is much darker and more uncomfortable.

You’ve simply outgrown the safe and warm place you always knew.

You’re standing between phases, where you’re not fully stepping into what’s next, but you can’t seem to find what was once all too familiar.

But this space right in the middle?

It’s not failure. Not at all.

It’s transition.

So this week, instead of rushing to figure everything out, getting anxious if you don’t have all the answers yet, or becoming frustrated that your surroundings are all foreign, just let yourself be here.

Let yourself sit with the new scenery.

Let yourself breathe and take it all in.

Give yourself a moment to acclimate.

Most importantly, trust that even in the uncertainty, you’re still moving forward, away from the place you know you need to distance yourself from.

This in-between phase that no one wants to talk about?

While it may not be a comfortable stop, it is a required one.

You won’t realize it today or tomorrow, but as you travel further along this new path, one day you’ll turn around and realize...

That unfamiliar in-between phase was the exact place where everything started to change.

Sometimes you find yourself on a seemingly never-ending path of heartbreak, heartache, letdowns, and dead ends.
Sometimes all you can do is breathe because even one step feels too emotionally and physically taxing.
Sometimes it’s all so quiet and dark that you’ve convinced yourself there is no light left to be found.

During those times, any inkling of hope you were clinging to falls from your grasp, and you wonder if you’ll ever find any scraps of it again.

But then…

Sometimes you remember how the sun warmed you and made you feel alive.
Sometimes the memories made with friends and family allow you to feel your heartbeat for the first time in a long time.
Sometimes a tiny whisper of promise holds enough power to bring you from your knees to your feet.

During those times, the world starts to slowly brighten again, and you begin to see a clearing in the distance, hoping it might be your path to better days.

Life isn’t easy. It’s cruel. It’s confusing. It can be very, very unkind.

Life never tells you how long you have on Easy Street before you’re rerouted to a dead end.
Worst of all, it never provides the length of time for the current challenge you’re forced to face. It may be a few hours, or it may be a few months, so it’s nearly impossible to focus simply on “making it through” when the timetable is unknown.

I’ve had my share of challenges. Some seemed insurmountable. Some consumed my every waking thought and nightly dream. At times, I didn’t know how—or if—I’d ever be able to resume some semblance of normalcy again.

I know you’ve had your share of challenges, too.

I know you’ve felt the harshness of reality as it smacked you to the ground. I know you’ve felt breathless, fearful, and hopeless as you stood at the foot of the mountain that rose before you.

But I also know that both you and I have somehow emerged. We’re still here.

Yes, we’re battered and bruised. Yes, we pull hefty luggage behind us wherever we go, and yes, we live with a sense of fear because we’ve learned how quickly the rug can be pulled out from under us.

However, we now understand that from darkness can come light, from despair can come hope, and from being lost can come being found. We know this because we’ve lived these stories.

Some days will still suck, just as some months and seasons will. This is a guarantee and nothing we can wish or hope away.

But this is also a guarantee—it won’t last forever.

And one day, this will be something you made it through—another lesson you earned the hard way, just like so many before.

P.S. I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been active on Substack, so I hope you all have been well. I appreciate your support on my social platforms, and I look forward to sending out my essays via Substack on a more frequent basis!

P.P.S. I have a new YouTube Channel, so if you’d like to subscribe, I’d truly appreciate it: @melissaheffronempowers

You know you’re amazing, right?

I know you don’t think that. 

I know you’ve probably never seen yourself that way, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.

Maybe no one has ever told you that before. 

Maybe you even reject that characterization. 

Other people are amazing, sure, but you?

That's unlikely. 

You’re ordinary, unremarkable, and unimpressive, right?

Wrong. 

You’re completely wrong, and let me explain why.

You’re still moving, doing your best, being kind, supporting others, lending a hand, falling but standing back up. 

You’re resilient, loyal, dependable, and despite all you’ve been through, you still believe there are brighter days ahead ☀️

You’ve been wronged, but you’ve carried on. Oftentimes, without the apology you thought you needed.

As it turns out, it’s not a requirement.

You’ve held your head high and stood firmly, even when you felt the weight of it all trying to buckle your knees.

You’ve been let down, but you’ve kept going. 

Even though your heart was broken and you placed blame on yourself for not seeing things clearly, you made the decision to be grateful for the lesson learned, and you took it forward with you.

You’ve experienced loss, but you’ve somehow inched along.

While the world around you moved on with life, yours instantly stopped. 

Even with tears blinding your view, grief in your heart, and with the knowledge that your life would never again be the same, you miraculously crawled ahead.

Somehow.

You’ve fallen more times than you can count, but you've kept trying. 

You’ve been beaten down, scraped up, bruised, and sometimes even torn to pieces, but you’ve stood back up in the face of all of this.

With little strength or willpower, you’ve made your statement to the world that your story is yours and yours alone to write. 

Your circumstances haven’t made you hide away and give up. They’ve helped shape you into the resilient and strong fighter that you truly are.

You probably don't see yourself as amazing, just as I don't see myself that way either.

As humans, we tend to focus on what happened to us, the negative decisions we've made, and the unfortunate repercussions they've brought into our lives. 

We hold ourselves solely accountable, and as a result, we become unable to view the situation with a different lens. 

But if we allow ourselves to zoom out and look at the greater picture, we'll clearly see that, despite all our circumstances, we've made it this far. 

No, it wasn't easy. 

Yes, we messed up....more than a couple times. 

Perhaps we don't always thrive, but we've made this far, and we're alive. 

If that doesn’t make us all amazing, I don’t know what does ❤️❤️

➡️ Pass this along to someone who needs to be reminded of their amazingness.

I like black and white. I want to live in black or white. I want to know what’s right or wrong and what’s acceptable and what’s not.

I like defined borders. I’m not one to color out of the lines because lines are there for a reason, right?

It’s precise this way. It’s right or wrong. It’s yes or no. It’s success or failure.

The question is: Is this the best way to look at life?

If I look through my history, I see things I’m not proud of.

I see things I wish I would have handled differently. I have regrets, shortcomings, embarrassments, and I berate myself for making some of the decisions I did.

I know I’m human, and I understand that I was growing into myself, but forgiving yourself can be an impossible pill to swallow. Even allowing yourself some grace can seem like something you don’t deserve.

Life is hard, but having your own enemy living in your head is even harder.

Impossible, really.

I used to tell myself a lot of things that I thought (at the time) were beneficial. I thought they’d push me to be better. I thought they’d keep me more accountable.

I thought wrong, but I needed to live through being wrong to understand my errors.

Telling myself that it was always all or nothing, didn’t push me to be better. Instead, I either didn’t begin because I was overwhelmed and terrified to fail, or when I did fail, it would further imprint in my brain that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough anyway.

Telling myself that everyone else can already do it didn’t keep me more accountable to the goal. It put doubt in my mind and had me second-guessing every move until my moves finally halted altogether.

It didn’t matter what the goal was, I counted myself out long before I even gave myself a fair shot.

I played mental mind wars with myself that I was never equipped to handle, and it did a number on my self-esteem, belief, and confidence.

If I had viewed things in a different light, I know my younger days would have looked vastly different. But, you don’t know what you don’t know, and that has to be something you come to accept.

Growth takes time. You need moments to experience and learn from and moments to pull away and reflect.

One very important lesson I learned is that the biggest leaps in growth don’t come from obtaining the goal itself; they come from the journey to the goal.

I just didn’t know enough to look at it that way then, and I would venture to say I’m not alone in this.

Obtaining a goal might initially seem like the ultimate success, but it would be empty if it didn’t cost you anything to get there.

You wouldn’t have worked for it. You wouldn’t have had much skin in the game, so there wouldn’t be a feeling of accomplishment when you got there.

Although this may initially seem like the simplest and most efficient path, I’ve learned it’s not the one in my best interests.

I didn’t want to fail at the task I had at hand, which is why I always had a hard time stepping to the starting line to begin with.

But, I needed to fail to learn that it’s ok to do so.

When I failed, I didn’t die. The world didn’t fall to pieces. I didn’t have every person I feared would judge me throwing this failure in my face.

I was ok, and that was the biggest and most needed lesson I could have ever learned.

Once I let that digest, my whole view of goals and how I approached them changed.

My view on successes and failures was altered.

My perspective changed, and I realized that I had a large track record of self-sabotage.

When you start looking at a goal as a bigger part of many steps, the view shifts.

It’s not simply black or white, win or lose. It’s small steps along a larger path. It’s micro lessons on the way to the final test, and this seems much more doable.

The intent alters from being all about the final destination to being about each stop along the way.

You start to see that you gain a skill or knowledge at each stop, and without these benchmarks, there’s no way to successfully navigate through.

You expect these small milestones. You learn to accept them as part of the journey, and in doing so, you stop hyper-focusing on the success or failure of the end result, and you start focusing on the slow, intentional journey you need to take to get there.

If you’re stuck in the cycle of viewing things as all or nothing, and letting the weight of that paralyze you, maybe it’s time to take a different view.

It doesn’t have to be as simple or heavy as win or lose.

You don’t have to settle for that mindset because it’s only doing you a disservice, and you deserve more than that.

While goals are necessary to keep us focused and ambitious, they shouldn’t be both a blessing and a curse.

Set your goals, but be gentle with yourself. Understand and accept that the trajectory is never straight; it was never meant to be.

You’re not incapable. You’re not unworthy. You’re not less than anyone else.

You’re human, so understand you need to sit before you stand and crawl before you walk.

Embrace the path to your goal as a learning experience. Trust that each stop has meaning in the overarching picture.

You’ll get from A to Z.

Slow down, take a breath, and enjoy the journey.

I know you never entered that room and anticipated the walls caving in.

You peeked in, saw opportunity and promise, and your eyes lit up.

You were excited when you walked across the threshold.

You allowed your mind to wander to places you were sure would come to fruition.

You thought about all that you were missing and told yourself that’s exactly what you’d find within.

You were thrilled, nervous, relieved, and hopeful, all rolled into one.

You finally got in the room that you waited so long to find, and it seemed like everything was just as it should be.

This chapter was about to get really good, and it started off that way, until the floor fell out from beneath you.

You weren’t anticipating the end, but in an instant, you realized this might be it.

The sturdy structure that you thought held your dreams was now a pile of rubble, burying you so far below that sunlight was unable to penetrate.

You were bruised, breathless, hopeless, and stunned, wondering what and how this happened.

So, you began reflecting on every move you made. Which step caused this destruction?

Were you moving too quickly or pounding too hard?

Did you think too loudly or was your hope too much?

You started questioning your worthiness.

You started questioning your capabilities.

You started questioning anything and everything because how could this be the result?

But….

What if this result is the result that was always supposed to be?

What if those walls were always meant to crumble?

What if, despite any effort you might have taken, you would have still found yourself on the floor, covered in debris?

This is hard to think about because it’s not the way it’s supposed to work.

When you find what you’ve been looking for, when you’re so excited and relieved and finally feel like things are looking up for you, the rug is not supposed to be pulled from your feet.

Life is just not supposed to work that way, is it?

Unfortunately for us, we don’t get to make all the calls. We can’t control destiny. We can’t control every circumstance, and as a result, what is right one minute can (and potentially may have to) change the next.

Sometimes we are just unwilling and ill-prepared passengers, along for a ride that, had we known of all the twists, turns, and drops, we probably wouldn’t have stepped foot on.

However, what if there’s a plot twist?

Instead of wallowing in our sadness, feeling disappointed and disheartened, what if we take into account the possibility that we are exactly where we are meant to be.

Maybe the series of unfortunate events which led us to frantically trying to remove the debris are events that were always going to happen.

What if that beautiful room that held such hope and promise was just a decoy, meant to lure you in?

While we may not think we wanted the walls to crumble, and it’s impossible to detract from the devastation it brought about, perhaps we needed them to.

Without this happening, how else would we realize we had the strength to unbury ourselves from the rubble?

How else would we discover that while we may currently feel physically, emotionally, and mentally broken, we are resilient enough to not allow ourselves to stay there.

We have to dig ourselves out.

We have to stand back up.

We have to survey our surroundings, and we have to have the courage to take a step in a different direction.

We have to because we know that staying buried isn’t an option.

While it may be instinctual to try and save yourself, it’s always a choice what to do once you have.

So, stand up and be open.

Open your eyes to your surroundings.

Open your eyes to different possibilities.

Understand that the path you started off on didn’t lead to the place you thought it would, and while that initially may sting, maybe that was always the point.

Standing up and looking around allows you to see from a perspective you never viewed before.

You were so convinced that one room was your destination, you were hyper-focused to your own detriment.

Perhaps the destruction of that room reveals a view that would have always been obstructed otherwise.

Maybe that view includes a pathway that you were always meant to find.

Maybe, just maybe, that was the whole reason you stepped into that room to begin with…

No one wants to be let down, discouraged, or hurt. No one wants to experience their world shifting beneath their feet.

But this is real life, and in real life, we have to accept that unfortunate events will occur.

We can look at them shortsighted or farsighted, but the former rarely ever is in our best interest.

Walls crumbling around you doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Choose to write beyond that scene.

You may never experience that path you were always meant to find, if you don’t stand back up, dig yourself out, dust yourself off, and go look for it.

We can string words together to create a compelling sentence, but ultimately those words may lack validity.

Maybe it’s an effort to convince yourself of something you want to be true.

Maybe it’s an effort to justify something you did or are thinking of doing.

However, words have weight, and sometimes we get buried under them.

We lie to ourselves an awful lot.

We tell ourselves all sorts of things, sometimes good, but oftentimes not.

We can even convince ourselves our words are true because they’re in the name of justification or affirmation, but at the end of the day, that argument really doesn’t stand.

It’s hard to be honest.

It’s hard to look in the mirror and see what's actually there.

It’s hard to face realities that you’ve been lying about, and it’s really hard to tell yourself the truth.

Unfortunately for us, words that lack truth will eventually be discovered.

While words are just words, that immediately changes when those particular words have meaning in your life.

While we can continue to recite what’s easiest to hear, we have to wonder if that’s what’s best?

At the end of the day, we are alone with the truth anyway.

We can’t escape it, so is creating a façade any sort of solution?

One of my goals this year is to be much more mindful of the inner dialogue I’m having.

In order to personally grow, I have to be intentional about what words go through my head.

I can’t move ahead if I’m ok telling myself things to make me feel better or to make things easier.

I can only grow through honesty, self-reflection, and intention.

Yes, honesty can be very hard to look at, but empty or false words, while they may provide momentary peace, will not ever be in any of our best interests.

Maybe it's time to stop hiding behind them.

Let this be your reminder to have those hard self-conversations and to stop shying away from reality.

Words are one thing, but we are all lying to ourselves if we actually believe we are always truthful with them.

Don’t you see how much of a win that is?

You’ve lost. You’ve been betrayed. Your heart has been shattered; it's been broken, seemingly beyond repair. 

You’ve been so low that you’ve wondered if you’d ever catch your breath again or be able to stop the tears. 

You’ve looked at yourself and were only able to see a completely hopeless being, but….

Here you are, still standing and still trying.

Do you know how much strength it takes to pick yourself back up? 

Do you understand the courage required to not only keep stepping forward, but to believe that there’s a reason you’re doing so?

It’s so difficult to have experienced so much but to have the perspective that allows you to see that past circumstances don’t have to define future ones. 

Having the belief that your story is meant to include so much more than negativity and difficulties requires more strength than you may be allowing yourself to see.

So, open your eyes and see that you’re not only still standing, but you’re still trying to push forward and find your brighter days.

This is real life. 

It’s ok to get knocked down. Expect that negativity, hurt, disappointment, and loss will visit you. 

You are required to house them for a time, but you have to be careful to not let them overstay their welcome. 

They will try, and you will be tempted to give in, but…

You will stand back up and then lock the door because you know you’re worthy of the effort it takes to keep trying.

If you’re in a sunny season now, thoroughly enjoy it. 

Let the light warm your skin and allow you to see with a clear head and feel with a joyful heart. 

However, if you’re not, and you find yourself weak and despondent, then you need fall back to the past to rely on your memories. 

Remember your sunny seasons, the way they energized you and the hope they made you feel. 

Understand that there are more of those seasons ahead, but sometimes making your way to them requires a few more detours and roadblocks than desired.

No, it's not ideal, but real life will never present you continuously perfect conditions. 

Everytime you stand back up and continue trying, you prove to yourself that you can. 

You show yourself that you believe you’re worthy of the effort it takes to make it to your feet. 

You build self-trust and self-reliance, both of which make it just a bit easier to pull yourself up next time.

Be proud of yourself. You’ve endured a lot. 

You’ve experienced more than you thought you could handle, and that, in itself, is grounds for celebration. 

You'll get knocked down again, and then you'll get knocked down some more, but you'll be fine. 

You're a fighter and you're strong.

Your history proves that you'll stand back up, and you'll try again, and again, and again.

You can, and you will ❤️

Merely existing was my default before I knew better. It was good enough before I was dropped into new chapters, uncovering new words and phrases I never knew existed.

Sometimes I wish to be that naïve again.

The world seemed simpler and smaller. I felt more protected because the realities of the world had yet to reach my view.

It was safe. It was predictable. It was all I knew.

Until one day, the scene in front of me opened up, and I realized there was no way to close it again.

It’s funny when your eyes finally open.

You see things you never saw before and hear words you don’t quite understand.

It’s almost as if you’re suddenly standing in a foreign place, with no recollection of how you got there or where exactly you came from.

It feels the opposite of safe and predictable, and in an instant you’re facing a very new reality.

You feel lost. You feel scared. You feel helpless.

You’re entering a new territory, but you have no road map, no experience, and no way of knowing what’s next.

In this new place, merely existing seems to be the only goal on your mind.

How can you think of anything greater, when you’re simply just trying to put one foot in front of the other?

I guess it just takes enough time to gain your footing, gain some ground, and get a bit more comfortable with your surroundings to understand that perhaps you’re capable of more than just existing.

Maybe you decide that merely existing isn’t good enough anymore, even if you’re scared of what more may look like or entail.

I did just want to exist, at one point. I was comfortable coasting through the days, living within the boundaries.

I was happy, even. Or, perhaps I thought I was happy enough.

However, when life got real, and I couldn’t un-see what I was seeing, my perspective changed.

I suppose it had to.

At that moment, I finally understood that the timing of my last pages was unknown; it could be the following chapter or it could be many, many, many chapters away.

I’d never know for sure. I could never know for sure, but what I did know was that there would be final pages.

This seems obvious.

It is obvious. However, it’s not easily digestible, which is why (I believe), at the beginning, it’s never fully internalized.

It’s almost like you can’t truly understand and embrace it until you’re being hit over the head with a life lesson.

As it turns out, existing isn’t as appealing when you know you cannot do it in perpetuity.

Forever simply doesn’t exist the way you may have blindly believed before, and that’s a realization that will rock any foundation.

When my whole being got shifted, I understood that I needed to focus on living, not merely existing.

However, it’s much easier said than done, as are most things in life.

Existing is easier.

Existing brings a greater sense of safety and comfort.

Existing doesn’t require testing limits or accepting the possibility of the fall.

Existing just is….

It’s almost as if you’re slipping into the passenger seat, closing your eyes, and hoping your destination isn’t too terrible.

Living? Now that is a challenge.

Plans, goals, intention, focus, resilience, persistence, and determination are all required.

It’s exhausting and emotional, and it can test you to your limits, even on your best days.

Truly living requires your full range of emotions, all of your energy, and there’s no guarantee you’ll ever make it to your final goals.

But, despite all that living entails, the rewards fully eclipse any rewards to be gained from merely existing.

As for me, I’ve stepped out on the ledge of living before.

I’ve surveyed my surroundings, checked out the view, only to step back off.

I saw possibility and opportunity, but I also saw fear and all the ‘what ifs,’ and I let them win.

Maybe you did, too?

We’re human. We’re not always going to make the best calls, but what we need to be open to is reflecting on them.

We need to use our past steps as lessons in personal growth, so we can right our path and reclaim our purpose.

My self reflection allowed me to see that I was my own biggest obstacle, who was pretty successful at keeping myself from embarking on the path I kept telling myself I wanted to be on.

I still wrestle with my own demons and default back into my safe space of existing, and I’ve realized this will always be something I struggle with.

I’ve also realized that it’s ok, and as long as I can be honest with myself, I will be able to push myself for more.

What about you? What do you realize about yourself?

I don’t want you to merely exist either.

I want you to fully live, be open to taking chances, be willing to set goals, and have the confidence to go for them.

If you’re your biggest obstacle, I want you to know that you’re completely moveable.

You can do this.

Truly living won’t be easy for any of us, but the journey and rewards we receive for stepping off the ledge will be more than worth it.

You’re worth this journey, so maybe it’s time to step….

This message is for my paid community ❤️ Thank you for your support, and I hope this is something you needed to hear and will come back to listening to, when the time calls.

It’s such an important life lesson, but I know, it’s one we need to keep working on, as it’s anything but easy to master.

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When did we begin to believe that it was normal?

When did we start accepting that this was tolerable?

Maybe a more appropriate question would be…

Why did we ever think the best course of action was to disregard our actual wellbeing?

I think ‘I’m fine’ is a phrase us, as women, have on repeat. We’re serial abusers of it, and we pass it down from mother to daughter and laterally, from friend to friend.

We’ve said it so much, we don’t even hear ourselves anymore. We don’t even think about it; it’s an automatic response at this point.

The irony of this phrase is that, when we say it, most times, we are anything but ‘fine.’

Most people know we’re not fine but in reality, their intent is probably small talk and not a deep dive below the surface.

It’s become commonplace to completely ignore our actual state by covering the truth up with words we feel society expects from us. And the worst part is, we seem to be fine with saying we’re fine, even though we’re really and truly not fine!

It’s a bad cycle we find ourselves in, and it leaves us at great risk for slipping without the ability to catch ourselves.

I know for me, I shoulder a lot. My family and loved ones are always priority, and I’ll be the punching bag, advice giver, or shoulder to cry on for them all. I don’t ask them to reciprocate, and honestly, I don’t expect them to.

The trouble is, I think I can handle more than I actually can. I can’t be everywhere at all times or everything to everyone who needs me, but I try. I can’t give and give and give without offering the same to myself, but I do.

It seems logical that any person taking a birds eye view of my life would be able to see the train wreck slowly approaching. But me? I can sense it, maybe even accept the possibility, but I seem to make no move to change course.

As women and mothers, we bite off more than we can chew.

We commit our entire beings to the title of mom, employee, boss, partner, volunteer, or coach, and when we do so, of course we want to do our best. We want to give our best because every role deserves that, right?

Unfortunately, along the line, we severely neglect to give ourselves even a fraction of what we give to everyone else. How can we, when we’re solely focused in other directions? There aren’t enough minutes on the clock or energy in our bodies.

So, what do we do?

We sweep things under the rug. We lie to ourselves about devoting more time to our own needs. We make empty promises, no real changes, and we continue down the path that appears to be falling darker by the day.

We accept our situation because that’s all we’ve ever known.

It’s so normalized that we’re led to feel selfish, if we do carve out time for ourselves. I know you’ve experienced this because I sure have, and the result is to abort the plan you promised yourself you’d follow.

But where does this leave us?

It leaves us right back to where I started this message….lying through our teeth while we mindlessly declare, ‘I’m fine.’

It’s a circle with no exit.

We just keep walking the perimeter, hoping to see a break, but accepting the fact that even if that was possible, we’d probably keep on stepping that same worn out path anyway.

Why? I think it’s because we truly believe it’s what’s acceptable and expected for our roles.

Knowing all of this, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when we start to crack. It shouldn’t be something we don’t expect, but yet, somehow, we don’t.

More to the point, I think it’s that we don’t feel we should be susceptible to any cracks or breaks.

We do this to ourselves. We allow ourselves to bend until we snap. We fool ourselves into thinking we’re made of armor and that we’re strong enough to handle whatever is thrown our way.

We’re not, though.

Deep down, we know this, but it’s not about knowing it. It’s all about acknowledging and accepting it. That’s where we get tripped up. That’s where we make the decision (maybe even unconsciously) to fall back into the mold that we’ve always fit.

We have to do better for ourselves.

We have to demand better from ourselves.

We have to be willing to walk a slightly different path, one that allows for the space and time to care for ourselves. We have to choose that.

Not only do we have to choose that, we must continue to choose it.

At some juncture, being ‘fine’ is going to quickly lead to a dead end. We’ll be out of gas and lost in an unfamiliar space.

At this point, we’re unavailable to effectively play any role, and the situation will remain the same until we can admit that we’re not ‘fine’ and take a step to change directions.

However, it’s much more difficult if you find yourself in this position because you’ve already traveled so far. It’s hard to find your footing when the steps and path are foreign.

Instead of this scenario, the simpler route would be to deal with the reality that is right in front of you.

Don’t put it off. Don’t pretend you’re not seeing what’s really there. Don’t continue to delay, which, you know, only fuels the problem’s growth.

We need to be ok with our actual feelings. We need to accept them and give them validation.

We need to stop pretending we’re bulletproof, with an endless capacity for giving.

We need to start worrying about our own wellbeing and prioritizing our wants and needs.

We need to let go of our need to be everything to everyone and putting their wellness and happiness in front of our own.

We know that there’s no way to give our best when we don’t offer ourselves our best, but we have to be willing and dedicated to doing so.

Let’s make a goal for 2025 to STOP robotically throwing out, ‘I’m fine.’

No, you’re not.

No, I’m not.

No, we aren’t.

It’s time to acknowledge this fact, face ourselves, stand up for ourselves, and demand that it’s just not good enough anymore.

We’re worth more than allowing this to be our default for even one second longer.

I hope you find this message helpful and timely in your life. I know it's been a big part of mine lately.

Let’s remember that life is a rollercoaster, and we have to accept the ride, through the highs and lows.

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Yes, those. I have difficulty fully letting them go.

I struggle with forgiving myself. Even though I know it’s not healthy and nothing I say or do can change how things unfolded, I’m still guilty of holding out hope that maybe that’s not the case.

It makes no sense, I know.

The past will forever remain unchanged, but somehow, here I am, recycling those scenarios and wondering, once again, which misstep I should have or could have avoided.

The funny thing is, no matter how much time or energy I use up to revisit the past, I am never fully satisfied or content with any scenarios I come up with. No stories or excuses I emerge with will ever make me feel ok enough to finally close that chapter in my life.

Do you want to know why?

The answer is because I’m too upset with myself for ever making that mistake in the first place. I’m angry that I couldn’t forecast what the possible outcome would be. I’m mad that I allowed myself to make the choice that led to such regret.

I know what you’re thinking. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. This is the absolute truth. No one can dispute this.

However, as I’ve learned on my self growth journey, knowing something to be the truth and accepting it as such, are often two very different animals.

So, I find myself stuck between two strange worlds of “why did you make that choice back then,” and “it’s human to make mistakes.” My head is on a constant swivel.

I struggle to leap to the rational side of things, even though I know I should. I know it shouldn’t be that hard, so then not only do I get upset about my past mistakes, but I get upset that I just can’t get past them.

Like I said, I struggle to fully forge ahead, and in all honesty, this obviously only hurts me.

It’s not a blindspot exactly, as I can see the scenario that’s playing out. It’s more of a trap that I’m accustomed to falling into, and I suppose, along the way, I accepted that I always would.

But I know it doesn’t have to be that way. It is this way because I allow it, but I don’t have to continue to do so.

Once again, we bump into knowing something to be the truth and accepting it to be. Things seem black and white, and maybe they truly are, but when you’re living it, the majority of what you see is gray.

But maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

Sure, we’d like things to be easy for us because that would make things more convenient. We’d always have the right answer, and we’d always be able to unload our baggage into the appropriate boxes. Everything would line up and work in our favor.

This just isn’t reality, though. It isn’t reality because everything I just listed out is an impossibility.

Real life is hard. It’s messy. We’re challenged, we lose, we bend, and at some points, we break. We don’t have all the steps. We don’t know all of the answers, and we certainly don’t know if any of our decisions will end up being beneficial for us.

Despite all that works against us, we have to still live.

Living means putting ourselves out there, making calls, and trying. We have to make moves with the limited picture we have and hope that, as we continue to step, a clearer and brighter view slowly emerges.

Along the way, of course we’re going to screw things up. We can 100% guarantee that. No one is alone when it comes to this.

Even though no one likes to be wrong or have unfavorable outcomes, ultimately, life is a practice. We learn as we go, and we never stop growing.

There is no benchmark for perfection. There is not a destination that proves you “finally made it.” Golden roads may be non-existent, but there are plenty of pot holes and dead ends.

You’ll never reach a point where the potential for a breakdown ceases to exist; you just learn, from past experiences, how to prepare for and navigate them. You better equip yourself, and that results in a smoother road.

I don’t believe there will be a point where I don’t struggle with my past missteps. However, I don’t think the bar should be set there. It’s not a realistic measurement.

The real goal is to revisit, but instead of spending time and energy rehashing all of the unfortunate details and the fallout, time and energy are spent on bringing the lesson forward on my path.

We know life keeps moving forward. We cannot afford to continue going back to a time that has already passed us by. Beating ourselves up over what went wrong only results in us losing trust and belief in our ability to decide what’s best for us.

We can never allow that to happen.

Let’s give ourselves some grace and show ourselves some compassion. Let’s learn to be ok with the fact that we have lived a real, beautiful, but often messy life. Let’s slowly learn to embrace the fact that we caused a lot of the messiness, but that it really is ok.

I’m not suggesting any of this will be easy, quick, or that we’ll always be able to look past the darkness in our past. I am suggesting that wanting any of those things will require focused and intentional steps.

Let this message sink in. If it speaks to you, I believe you were meant to read these words. I hope you truly feel them, and they make you feel understood and less alone. We aren’t ever truly alone in our struggles, but doesn’t it make it so much easier to try and move through them together?

The past was our stepping stone into the present, but the future we want requires all of our lessons learned.

The quicker we learn to use them for our benefit instead of using them against ourselves, the quicker we are able to have a smoother, more enjoyable, and much more fulfilling ride.

This is the time to craft our most perfect role.

This is the year to stop being ok with just being ok.

That's not good enough anymore because we all deserve MORE than that.

Your goals, dreams, ambitions, passions, wants, and needs matter because your happiness and fulfillment matter ❤️

It's time to stop living simply to please or make everyone else comfortable, if by doing so, you've found it to be at your expense.

You matter, too.

If no one has told you that lately, I am telling you now.

Make this the year you take steps towards what lives in your heart.

You have a light to shine and gifts to share ❤️

We’re all out here just trying to do our best, right?!

Today’s focus - what energy are you bringing into today and how to alter your path, if you know you need to ❤️

Have …

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